An Important thing to remember concerning your marraige
Man has two basic needs: physical and emotional. As we grow older, our physical needs are reduced and emotional needs start growing. That is the reason at old age our physical needs are at minor level but emotional needs are at pinnacle. When we talk about marriage, usually we talk with respect to the former and not the latter i.e. emotions.
Man doesn’t only need to satisfy his urges but has an excessive desire to share emotions too. He needs to share his world with someone, someone with whom he can have a deeper connection. And never to forget that these emotions cannot be shared with friends.
This is the reason, why unmarried people are psychologically disturbed. As you grow older and you are unmarried, a time comes when you really act strangely with people and sometimes you show an opposite reaction and loose hope in sharing such emotions. You don’t want to marry and you don’t want to be social, you want to live alone and just be with yourself. Isolation becomes your only friend.
I have two such examples in my own family. One is a psychiatrist himself and a qualified doctor from England. Wallahi I really think he needs to see psychiatrist too. The parents as usual never thought of his early marriage. And now he doesn’t want to marry and want everyone to leave him alone.
This is a general case but when it comes to missionaries, they need someone with whom they can share their mission too provided if They really have a mission and are committed to it. Brothers and sisters with a mission in life to do something especially for Islam, should not only be concerned with sharing emotions and having physical attachment, but they should also look for a wife or a husband who can be helpful in his/her mission or even become a part of it. Otherwise there would be two outcomes; either – if you are too committed – then there would be a gap and you would only be able to have physical relation or – if you are weak – then your partner would become an obstacle and drive you away from your cause.
You need someone like Khadijah r.a who played an important role in the mission of the Prophet SAW. Or if you can say it is really hard to find, then at least this example from our past is worth remembering:
A Mujahid was leaving home for a Jihad and had a wife and a young boy. He had some money which he gave to his wife so that she can use the money effectively for his son’s upbringing. After years and years of Jihad one day the Mujahid returned home. If I’m not forgetting, the time was of Asar prayer. He met his wife and asked of his son who was not at home. He also asked of the money she spent. She suggested that he should first go to the masjid and offer Prayer and this could be discussed later. When the prayer ended, he saw that a young man stood and walked towards the ‘Masnad’ (a place assigned to the teacher for teaching). He sat there with a great number of students around him and started teaching the Hadith of the Prophet SAW. He returned home amazed and mentioned this to his wife. The wife said, weren’t you asking me of our son and the money I spent on him? He said yes what about it? She said the young boy you saw was your son and now has become an Imam. This is where I spent your money in your absence.
If you ask me, this incident is what I would call the tafseer of this verse (Dua):
والذين يقولون ربنا هب لنا من أزواجنا وذرياتنا قرة أعين وجعلنا للمتقين إماما * الفرقان
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (25:74)
A dua first of all for me and then for all brothers and sisters
Via Br. Mugheerah Luqman