A Pleasant Spouse.. A Delightful Life… A Wonderful Akhera…by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala
A friend of mine spoke to me about his choice of a Mominah. He said, ” She should be a woman of taqwa, hijabi but then beneath her veil she should also be slim, tall, fair, modern, smart , fantastically English speaking and also modern dressed…..” I replied,” O so you are looking for a Barbie shaped Cindrella beneath the veil !”
There is an English saying.. A man goes in the search of peace and tranquillity through out the world and returns back home to find it.
If we elaborate from the Qur’anic view point we can go to Surah Rum ch 30, verse 21 : And among His signs are.. He created mates for you from yourselves so that YOU MAY FIND SUKOON IN THEM…
The word sukoon means peace, tranquility. As I say a house is built by bricks but a home is built by hearts. The same verse also elaborates this statement. .. and Allah created mawwadatun wa rahmah among them.. Mawwadatun means love, affection and care, and Rahmah means mercy. These qualities cannot be learnt in workshops and seminars. It is a monopoly of Allah to put these qualities in our hearts.No tablets no syrups just kun fayakoon.. Be and it happens.
There are four things that makes a person bestowed the best in this world and the here-after :
A Grateful Heart,
A tongue that constantly remembers Allah,
A body that bears patiently (Pyshcological, physical, finanacial and emotional ) hardships and
A Mominah wife…
All these four qualities are also essential for your matrimional life to be happy.
If you judge your spouse from the eyes of other people or from the yardsticks of materialism then you don’t possess a grateful heart , rather you will be contstantly regretting your marriage with him/her.
If you don’t remember Allah and are careless towards your duty to Allah then you can never be grateful to humans too.
If you don’t stand firmly by your spouse when he or she is going through a rough weather then you are a weak spouse and have missed out many strong things in life.
It is essential that your wife is a Mominah.
Let us understand the term mominah in the context of the abopve mentioned hadith. Allah gave the best women of that time to our beloved messenger (pbuh). Each of his wife had a unique quality that benefitted the Ummah.
Khadeejah’s wealth was thrown open for the poor in the way of Allah when very few people supported Islam. It was a unique feat that Jibrael came and greeted her !
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was so pleased with Aisha r.a. that he certified : Aisha my wife in this world and here-after…After the death of the Prophet Aisha r.a was a teacher of sahaba and Tabeein. She carried on the the legacy of passing on the knowledge of fiqh to the later generation.
Zainab bint Khuzaima r.a. was the most charitable among the women. She was called Ummul Masakeen.
Asma bint Abu Bakr wife of Zubair bin Awwam r.a.a. was so aware of her husband’s gheerah that she was always careful about it. Once she was walking down the hot desert with some material on her head and the Prophet (pbuh ) passed by on a camel. Seeing her plight the noble Prophet offered her the back seat of the camel but she recalled her husband’s gheerah and refused the offer (al-Bukhaari (4823) and Muslim (4050)…).Gheerah means self respect and possessiveness.
A good wife is one whose husband is pleased to see her says a popular authentic hadith. Now when does this pleasant smile become due on the face of her husband? Imagine a husband returning home tired and exhausted after a hectic day in office and strugggling traffic and finds his wife waiting with loads of complains about his mother or children or neighbors.. if this is a daily routine then ?
A nagging wife or a nagging husband rarely cause a pleasant smile. ..
A fussy husband always criticizing his wife’s style of dressing because the well dressed young lady in his office appears more impressable to him cannot generate a charm on his wife’s face. He is fussy about food and other things too. One of our biggest problem in generating happiness in our matrimonial life is that we have errected many ‘fantasy parameters’ for our happiness. These fantasies are borrowed from modern culture of glamour and richness.
A pleasant spouse (this is for both husband and wife) fits in this verse : The believing men and believing women are auliya of each other, they command good and forbid evil……Read Surah Toubah verse 71 for more details and examine if we really encourage our spouse in good things or pull him/her down? Do we stop him/her from haram or just nag and complain to our mothers and sisters and friends regarding him/her….
Moral of the Lesson?
If you want a pleasant spouse she also has a right to have a pleasant spouse.. so the search is within our selves and efforts on our selves to be qualified to be that dream spouse every Momin and Mominah craves for.…
Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala writes and speaks on soio-educational isses from Islamic perspective. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org